TEXT: Acts 2:41-47

SUBJECT: Stop Dating the Church #1

For the next few weeks, I’ll be filling in for Mike in the afternoon service. I’m happy to do it for several reasons, two of which I want to name.

First, I’ve been eager to study a book together, as we used to do on Wednesday nights, and to try out a new format that I hope will help us stay alert after lunch and benefit from the insight we all have because—in the words of the prophet—

The book is called—believe it or not—Stop Dating the Church and Fall in Love with the People of God. The title is intended for people younger and hipper than I am. But the message ought to be heard and heeded by every disciple of Christ, whatever his age or level of coolness. The author is Joshua Harris, a young pastor in Maryland, who writes from two perspectives: he’s now a good churchman, but used to be a bad churchman. He can see the issue, therefore, from both sides.

The format I hope to use is a combination of monologue and dialogue. I’ll start with a short summary of the chapter, hopefully no more than 20 minutes, and then open it up for discussion. I’ll provide a question or two to get the ball rolling, but we won’t be limited to my questions. We all have a part in the conversation.

Because back-and-forth talk can become long-winded, we’ll do our best to finish no later than three o’clock. If this leaves us smack-dab in the middle of something important, we’ll pick it up the next week.

One last thing. If you don’t know it already, I can’t hear very well, and this means, you’ve got to speak up, or I’m likely to answer your question, Is there a universal church? with ham and Swiss cheese!

If I can sum up Harris’s book in a word, the word is commitment. He wants us to—not just go to church—but to give ourselves to the church in body and soul. And, by ‘church’ he doesn’t mean The Invisible Universal Church to which every Elect person in every place and time belongs, but to the visible local church. This church. This place. This time.

This is not a popular doctrine at the moment, for to many, it conjures up cults or churches with cult-like tendencies. He’s aware of this, of course, but he says an abuse of a good thing does not make the good thing bad. The church needs to be reformed, not abolished. And so does our commitment to the church.

Harris begins the book in a very clever way. Not by ordering us to commit more fully to the church, but by telling a story of a young couple in love—sort of.

What do you make of Jack? I think he’s immature, scared, and a perfectionist with others, but not with himself.

Let’s think about his characteristics:

He’s immature. As long as it is honest and wholesome, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying the company of the opposite sex for the sake of enjoying the company of the opposite sex. Dating is neither right or wrong, it just is. Like the arranged marriages we find in the Bible.

When Jack and Grace first started seeing each other, it was far more than a pleasant way to pass the time. Jack was in love with Grace, and planned to marry her.

Now he’s gone back on his plan. And not because of anything in her, but because of something in him. The man is immature, to put it nicely, or, if you prefer candor: He’s a flake.

He’s scared. Dating is a lot easier than marriage. For one thing, you can impress your girlfriend; wives are not impressed. Spending four hours with a woman at dinner and a movie takes no patience at all. But living with her, when she’s sleepy, grumpy, worried, and disappointed with you, takes nothing but patience. Maybe the word I’m looking for is…longsuffering.

The realities of living with a real woman worries Jack, and he backs off.

He’s a perfectionist with her. For five months Grace seemed perfect or the next thing to it. But, over three years, he’s found some things he’s not so crazy about. Some of her faults are really hers. Nobody’s perfect, and the better we get to know each other, the more relaxed we are, and things come of us that we used to keep hidden. Her other faults, however, are more in him than in her. Three months ago, she was petite, now she’s scrawny. Her hair used to be curly, now it’s frizzy. Her Southern drawl used to make her charming, now it makes her a hillbilly!

Jack has weighed Grace in the balances of perfection, and has found her wanting.

But, the standard he applies to her, he does not apply to himself. When it comes to himself, Jack is an imperfectionist. We don’t know what he looks like, how tall he is, whether he has a good job, good manners or a promising future.

But we know he has his faults too. Maybe as many as Grace has. Or maybe more. Jack is an unrealistic man. With himself. And with the woman he’s falling out of love with.

Let me spell out the meaning of our story: Many Christians are to the church what Jack is to women. We are not against the church; we love it in the abstract; and there are good things in many churches. But, allowing for all this, we are less than committed to the church.

A Christian not committed to the church is easy to spot. Josh describes him in three ways:

First, he is me-centered.

Let me flesh this out a bit. The me-centered Christian knows what he wants from a church (whether he knows what he needs or not is another thing!). He goes to church to get it, and when he’s got it, he goes home, or goes to another church.

For example, he is interested in preaching, but not in praying, and so he never misses the worship service, but he skips the prayer meeting every week. A worse example is preferring some preachers to others. There’s nothing wrong with liking one man better than another or being more blessed by one ministry than another. But to go to church because your favorite is preaching, or to stay home because he’s not, is me-centered.

Second, he is independent.

Underline the words, vital part. We don’t go to church to go to church. We go to contribute our part to the church. This includes singing the hymns, hearing the Word, and praying when called on, but it’s far more than these things. It’s being what the King James Bible calls, a member of the body, or what I like to call, a church organ!

A larynx is not there to take up space in your throat. It’s there to swallow food. And, you’re not here to take up space in the pew. You’re here to exercise your gifts for the welfare of the church.

Hearts are useful only when functioning in a body. The same is true of Christians. What’s often said of lovers, is also true of Christians—we were made for each other.

Third, he is critical.

I don’t know what to add but, Amen. The consumer mentality has got into Christians and the church. Instead of seeing the church as our family, we see it as a store, offering better things than the church up the road, but maybe not as good as the church across town. Instead of fighting this mentality, many churches have embraced it, offering services on Saturday night for people who’d rather watch football on Sunday morning. And things far worse!

If you want a good family life, you’ve got to be patient, and accept the fact that you can’t always have things your way. The same is true in church.

The chapter ends on what the church is good for.

Harris could not be more right. While Jesus Christ uses other organizations to further His cause in the world—and I am not against them--the only one He Himself founded is the Church. Thus, with all its spots and wrinkles, it’s got to be good for us.

1. What is more prominent in the New Testament—the Universal Church or the local church?
2. Why are so many Christians scared of commitment to the church? What has the church done about it? What should we be doing about it?
3. How can we make our expectations of the church more realistic?