TEXT: Proverbs 1:1-7

SUBJECT: Family Life #36: Taking Teenagers to Church

This is the fourth Sunday afternoon of the month and time for another sermon on Family Life. The issue we’ll explore today is an important one and one on which there’s a great deal of disagreement, confusion, and heartache. The title speaks for itself:

We have to be careful here because—to the best of my knowledge—no verse in the Bible commands you to do it, to not do it, or to leave it up to them. What we have to go on is not a proof text, but the principles of the Bible or what the Proverbs call wisdom.

If your kids are less than ten or twelve years old, there’s not much to think about: God commands you to take them, the civil law requires you to do it, and the kids more-or-less want to go. Until that age, even children who hate going to church would rather tag along than to be left home alone.

But by the time they’re fourteen or sixteen they can take care of themselves. This is great for the errands you need to run on Tuesday morning or the romantic dinner you’re planning for Saturday night. But it’s not so good when it comes to Sunday morning.

What to you do when your kids don’t want to go to church anymore? Or when they fight you over it every Sunday morning?

The question is not hypothetical! It affects millions of Christian parents every week. Maybe you’re one of them. Or soon will be. What do you do?

Well, what are the options? It seems to me that there are three realistic choices:

• You can make them go.

• You can encourage them to go.

• You can not care if they go.

There is some overlapping here, I know. If you’re persistent enough, encouraging them to go can be nearly the same thing as making them go. But, allowing for the shades of gray, I cannot think of any other choice. If you have to choose one, you’d better choose it wisely.

AN EVALUATION

To help you do it, let’s evaluate the options.

Make them go.

If you’ve got the stomach for it, you can make your teenagers go to church. If you’re big enough, you can force them into the pew and make them stay there till we’re done. If you’re persistent enough, you can nag them into going. And you can always threaten them. The one I’ve heard most often is this: "As long as you’re under my roof, you’re going to church. If you don’t like it, move out!"

You don’t want to do this, of course, but what if your kids are really, really, really stubborn? Ought you to do it then?

I don’t think so and here’s why: the purpose of going to church is to receive a blessing from God. But how you can receive a blessing when you’re simmering with rage is beyond me. And not only is the teenager affected by the quarrel, but so is everyone else in the family. Should you ruin church for those who want to be there for the sake of making one go who doesn’t?

I don’t care.

The second option is indifference. If your kids fight with you every Sunday morning, it’s easy to give up trying and say, "I don’t care".

To my way of thinking, this is even worse than the first option. To fight your kids may be bad, but at least it shows you care—that they’re worth fighting for! But to not care if they go to church violates every Law of Love. Under the Old Covenant, God cared for His rebellious People; in the Gospels, our Lord wept for the wandering sheep; Paul would rather be "cut off from Christ" than to see his kinsmen go to hell.

We all understand the apathy. It’s a defense against the pain loved ones inflict on you. Remote parents are often hurt beyond imagining. But not caring is not an option for children of the God who does care.

The best option, of course, is to encourage them to go to church. I don’t have to prove this one, do I? You know it as well as I do.

But knowing it and doing it are two different things. If your older kids are not so keen on going to church right now, are you encouraging them to go? Or not? Many parents think they are, but are not In fact, without meaning to, they’re doing everything they can to keep their kids away from church!

The two most common ways of doing this are nagging and playing the Pharisee.

What is nagging? I’m not sure I can define it, but we all know what it is—when someone is doing it to us! It’s bringing up the same thing over and over and over again. Solomon had a thousand wives—and must have known nagging as no other man! He put it this way,

If your "advice" is falling like the rain in a cloudburst, you can be sure you’re nagging. If you’re not sure, ask your husband or wife.

Playing the Pharisee is even worse. Holding yourself up as a model of godliness because you go to church isn’t likely to impress someone who has seen you every day of his life. Charles DeGaulle was right: "No man is hero to his valet!" Your older kids know you—and haven’t bought the Pharisee act in a mighty long time.

If nagging and self-righteousness don’t encourage you to godliness, why do you suppose it would have that effect on your kids?

How do you encourage your teenaged son or daughter to go to church? Let me underline the word, encourage. This won’t make them go; I can offer no guarantees. But these three things are certainly good, and under the blessing of God, may do the trick.

First of all, live a good life in the home. Nothing turns off a teenager more than going to church with phony parents. Ignoring or browbeating your kids six days a week, won’t make them eager to spend their Sundays with you.

A few months ago, I met a young man who was teaching a Sunday School class at the Presbyterian church. I asked him if he grew up in the church, and he said, no, he family is Baptist. I then asked if he changed his mind about the issues that separate the two churches. "Not at all" he said. Well, then, why did he change churches? He said,

According to the young man, his father was a deacon in the Baptist Church and the rottenest man he had ever known. The man was mean and stingy and selfish. The boy wanted no part of his church. Do you blame him?

Going to church is about listening to and loving God. Do these things at home and you’ll make church look a lot better to your kids. There is no substitute for real life holiness. That’s number one.

In the second place, teach your kids why they ought to go to church. If your teenagers are converted, I suppose they want to go. But if they’re not saved, why should they go to church?

If your teenagers are not converted, why should they go to church? Does Infant Baptist bind them to the church? I don’t think so. Or, what about "Not forsaking the assembling of yourselves"? Does that apply to unbelievers too? No, it doesn’t.

Why should an unsaved fifteen year old boy go to church? The answer is very simple: It is every person’s duty to repent of his sins and to believe in Jesus Christ. But the Church preaches the very Word by which repentance and faith are given to sinners. Therefore, it is every person’s duty to go to church. If every sinner needs grace and if the sermons, hymns, Bible-readings, and prayers of the church are means of grace, then everyone ought to go.

Have you explained that to your kids? Have you impressed upon them what’s at stake in going to church—or staying home? You ought to. That’s number two.

Finally, enjoy church yourself. Over the years, I’ve known many people who go to church every week and don’t seem to enjoy a minute of it! You can tell because they’re always looking for something to criticize. Rather than coming for a blessing—it seems to me—they’ve come spoiling for a fight.

Their kids are not likely to enjoy church—or to go to church any longer than they absolutely have to.

Church is like the rest of life—there’s sin and silliness all around. But that’s not all there is at church: there’s also the Lord Jesus Christ, Who—despite our faults—loves us and meets with us when we gather in His name.

That should be enough for sinners who don’t deserve the least favor of God. How blessed we are to have a church to go to! How blessed we are to hear the Word of God, to sing the praises of Zion, and to offer up our hearts in prayer.

If you want your kids to love the church, you love the church. Love the church the way you love your husband or wife—warts and all!

One last word and we’ll be done.

The main reason that teenagers don’t like church is the same one that middle-aged men don’t like it: they’re unsaved. Romans 8:7-8 says,

Why does a seventeen year old boy like Busta Rimes better than John Newton? Why would he rather talk to a pretty girl than a holy man? Why does he think Maxim is a better read than the Bible? Why is a thirty minute sermon too long, but a three hour movie is not?

You can blame his immaturity, the culture, and bad examples. But chiefly, he feels this way because he is not a Christian, and non-Christian (even really good ones) prefer other things to God.

Thus, if you want your children to go to church all their lives—and love it, you need to do everything you can to see them saved. You cannot save your kids—no one can!

But you can teach them the Gospel and press it upon them. You can pray for them. And you can show them that you love the Lord. These are things you can do. And must do. If you want to take your teenagers to church.