TEXT: Proverbs 31:10-31

SUBJECT: Exposition of Proverbs #21: The Virtuous Wife

I hope this evening to bring our study of the Proverbs to a close. The passage is well-known, but always worth another look. Its subject is "the virtuous wife". May the Lord bless His Word to the good of our souls.

Before we come to the text itself, we ought to find its purpose.

The passage is often presented in seminars and Bible studies designed for women. Pastors often preach it on mother's day. This is not wrong, of course. Ladies would do well to reflect on "the virtuous wife" and to imitate her. Yet, if you check the setting, you'll find the passage is not primarily meant for women. It was a mother's lesson to her son! "The words of King Lemuel, the utterance which his mother taught him..." says v.1. She wanted him to avoid trashy women (see v.3) and to find a "virtuous wife".

What does this mean to us men? In the first place, it means, if you're unmarried, this is the sort of woman you ought to be looking for. A bit later, we find, "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised". In other words, spiritual qualities must be the priority in courtship and marriage.

But what about the married man? He's to help his wife become more "virtuous". How? By not discouraging her, for one thing. For another, by doing his part, thus allowing her to do hers. And, of course, by praying for her. I am struck by the number of Christian men who don't pray for their wives. Or pray very much for them. Or very well. Perhaps you "have not because you ask not".

Without going too far afield, I might add: As the Bride of Christ, the church would do well to study the traits of the ideal wife and develop them in herself.

We begin with the good wife's value, v.10: "Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies". The godly wife is as rare as fine jewels and worth a lot more. The man who has one, therefore, ought to cherish her and count her very dear. But what of the man whose wife isn't so good? He ought to recall an imperfect ruby is still a ruby. And who knows? By polishing it, he might well find he's got more than he thinks!

Her character is described in vv.11-27.

The virtuous wife is trustworthy--"The heart of her husband safely trusts in her". The man is neither naive nor blinded by love. The better he knows his wife, the more he trusts her. Because she's neither abusive nor careless, his children are safe with her. Because she's not covetous or foolish, his money is safe with her. Because she's not cruel or gossipy, his faults and secrets are safe with her. She doesn't throw the former in his face or blab the latter to her mother or girlfriend.

This relieves her husband of so many burdens. Therefore, he's able to work without distraction, and, so, "he will have no lack of gain".

The virtuous wife is consistent--"She does him good and not evil all the days of his life". She's not impulsive; she's not moody. Like everyone else, she has her aches and pains, her disappointments and frustrations. But unlike most others, she doesn't take them out on her husband. With some mastery over her emotions, she treats her man with respect and love, even when she doesn't feel like it.

The virtuous wife is industrious--"She willingly works with her hands". What does she do? She sews (v.13); she cooks (vv.14-15); she invests in real estate (v.16a); she farms (v.16b); she runs a clothing boutique (v.24). Does God want every woman to do all these things? Of course not! The woman before us is not only virtuous, but immensely gifted. However, He does want her to fully develop her gifts. And--you should note--this is possible without neglecting her family (v.27).

Titus 2:5 urges women to be "keepers at home". Some have equated this with being "housewives"--and nothing else. I don't see how this can be squared with the "virtuous wife". Wives and mothers should put their families first. What believing woman ever said otherwise? But she is not--not--limited to the home. When we say she is, we have presumed to do what Paul wouldn't--"to think beyond what is written" (see I Corinthians 4:6).

The virtuous wife is generous--"She stretches out her hand to the poor". She doesn't work hard to indulge her lusts, but to care for her family and to help the less fortunate. Charity is every believer's duty. The godly wife excels in it.

The virtuous wife is wise and kind in her words--"She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness". The woman knows much; but she doesn't use her knowledge to belittle or to berate others. She uses it to do them good. If she knows more than her husband, she gently advises him--and lets him think it was his idea. She is the opposite of both the empty-head who can't help her husband make decisions and the dominatrix who won't let him. God has joined wisdom and kindness. And, "What God has joined together, let no man (or woman) put asunder!"

She obtains the lifelong respect of her children, who "rise up and call her blessed". Children often love a mother who does not deserve it--especially when they're young. But they cannot respect her. And, in time, they may come to resent her deeply. Respect is not easily earned, but it's worth the effort. The virtuous wife commands the respect of her children. Her life, furthermore, exerts a powerful influence over theirs. They become virtuous. As do their children. And so on. The virtuous wife, in short, leaves a rich legacy to her descendants. An inheritance worth much more than money--in this world and the next.

She gains a successful and grateful husband. With her help, he "is known in the gates", i.e., he does well in his career. Why shouldn't he? He doesn't have to worry what she's up to while he's away! He realizes his debt to her and amply pays it with affection, praise, respect, and fidelity. By "losing her life" (for her family), she "finds it".

She obtains a good conscience and a healthy self-respect--"Give her the fruit of her hands and let her own works praise her in the gates". She's not perfect--no one is. But, with the blessing of God, she's approves of her life. And this is no small blessing--especially as she lay dying.

Wives, these words aren't meant to discourage you or to make you feel hopelessly inadequate. They're designed to encourage growth in grace. And remember this: although you cooperate with God in your sanctification, it is He who is primary in the work. "He who has begun a good work in you will continue it..."

Husbands, these words aren't given to be used against your wife. Does she measure up to "the virtuous wife"? No she doesn't! But neither do you! If you want her to be godlier than she is, don't use Scripture against her, use it for her.

To the unmarried: There is no substitute for godliness. If a woman wants to catch a godly man, let her use the right bait! If a man wants a happy marriage, let him look--not for a pretty face or a shapely figure--but for "a woman who fears the LORD". I mustn't close our study without quoting my favorite Proverb, 11:22: "As a ring of gold in a swine's snout, so is a lovely woman who lacks discretion".

May God make you wives "virtuous" and may we husbands help you become that way, for Christ's sake. Amen.