1.As to criticizing others, it says: "Rebuke a wise man and he will love you" (9:8). The perspective is not unique to the Proverbs. Our Lord said the same: "If your brother sins against you, rebuke him" (Luke 17:3). Paul enlarges on it in Galatians 6:1. The author of Hebrews says much the same, 10:24.

2.As to taking criticism, the Word is even plainer. "Listen to counsel and receive instruction, that you may be wise in your latter days" (19:20). He who won't listen to others is condemned: "A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; he rages against all wise judgment" (18:1). Was anyone a bigger fool than Nabal? "He is such a scoundrel that a man cannot speak to him" (I Samuel 25:17).

1.Criticism must be direct. In other words, we're to criticize others to their faces--not behind their backs. "Where there is no wood the fire goes out; and where there is no talebearer, strife ceases" (26:20). Backbiting does no one any good, but everyone affected much harm. Our Lord emphasized the direct approach: "...if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone" (Matthew 18:15). In short, if you can't say it to my face, don't say it at all.

2.Criticism must be humble. "A soft answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger" (15:1). A violent or sneering criticism compounds the problem. "A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle" (18:19). Jesus Christ urges us to personal humiliation before we go to set others right. "First remove the plank from your own eye, then you will see clearly to remove the speck out of your brother's eye" (Matthew 7:5). When aggravated, keep your mouth shut. Criticize an erring friend when you're calm and properly humbled for the work.

3.Criticism must be rare. "Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins" (10:12). Peter explains "all" to mean "a multitude" of sins. We're not to pounce on every wrong we see in others; we're not to be anxious to correct them; we're not to "get a kick" out of it. "It is a man's glory to overlook a transgression" (19:11). There is a practical benefit to criticizing others rarely: They listen. If you're bellyaching all day long, others tune you out. But the rare criticism will be heard and received. "The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, but the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness" (15:2).

1.Listen to criticism. "He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him" (18:13). Our hearing often goes bad when being criticized. We hear the first negative word and begin plotting a defense or turning on the critic. Thus, we don't hear--no less understand--what he's saying. This results in conflict, not mutual help.

2.Think about the criticism. Is it true? Is it partly true? Is there a grain of truth in it? Thinking about anything takes time. It is best, therefore, to listen to criticism with little or no response at the time. Carefully consider what has been said and then--if need by--reply to it.

3.Accept true criticism as a blessing of God. Dismiss false criticism, if possible, as a well-meant, if badly done, offer of help.