TEXT: Ephesians 5:22-33

SUBJECT: Christ and the Husband

This morning, with God’s help, we come to the second part in our study of marriage as it is—and ought to be. The goals are to show you how beautiful marriage can be and to help you achieve some of its beauty in your own home. It’s directed chiefly to husbands and wives, of course, but it’s good for the unmarried as well. If this is what God wants your marriage to be, you’ve got to date or court or fall in love wisely. You’ve got to think ahead. The qualities that make guys and girls fun dates are not always the ones that will make them good husbands or wives. You’ve got to think ahead! In Deuteronomy 32:29, God complained of His people’s short-sightedness,

If you’re a girl, you’ve got to ask yourself: Is this the kind of man I can submit myself to? It’s hard enough if he’s the smartest, strongest, and humblest man. But what if he’s stupid and impulsive and arrogant? If you marry him, you’ve got to submit to him—as he is! Think about that before you fall in love.

If you’re a guy, you’ve got to ask yourself: Is this the kind of woman I can love? You can lust for just about anyone! But can you love her, that is, respect her character and enjoy her company and do her good even when she’s old and gray and fat and toothless? If you marry her, you’ve got to love her—as she is. Think about that before popping the question.

The best place to start with marriage is Somewhere Else. As happy as Isaac and Rebekah might have been, for example, or your parents, or someone you admire at church, none of them has a perfect marriage. There’s only One perfect marriage—and that’s between Jesus Christ and His Church.

I made this point last night, so I won’t labor it today. The Old Testament often refers to the Lord as the Husband of Israel. He’s committed to Her; He provides for Her; He protects Her; and He loves Her, despite her many faults.

The idea is carried over into the New Testament and raised to a higher level. Jesus Christ is married to His Church. Paul was the Matchmaker who said,

Other verses teach the same thing, including some in our text. Jesus Christ is the husband of His Bride, the Church. That’s a wonderful doctrine—but not the one I’m getting at today. No, our verses are not so much about Him being our Husband, but what kind of Husband He is.

The first thing we can say is this: Jesus Christ is an authoritative husband,

The word, "head" doesn’t mean the noggin or the old coconut, but refers to the Leader. Jesus Christ leads His Church. Note carefully, He does not drive the Church, but He does lead Her. This rebuts two opposite errors:

• That is the husband is to rule his wife with an iron hand. He must the dictator at home, never consulting her, never listening to her, and doing whatever he darn well pleases to do, without respect to her feeling or her good. Is that the kind of Head Jesus Christ is to His Church? It is not. The Apostles wanted that kind of power; they wanted the prestige and the kick of authority, but our Lord said, No!

• The second error is the opposite of this one, but just as bad: That the husband is not in charge at home. He cannot do anything without his wife’s consent; and she can do whatever she wants to, even if he’s against it. Honestly, can that kind of thinking be squared with v.23?

Jesus Christ is the authoritative Husband of His Church.

But that’s not all He is. He’s also a loving Husband,

Old writers often distinguished between two kinds of love. The first is complacency. They didn’t mean it as we do—smugness or self-satisfaction. No, this is the love one feels for something that’s beautiful or true or good or worthy. It’s something like admiration or even adoration.

The other kind of love is benevolence or doing others good—not because they deserve it, but because they need it. This includes longsuffering, patience, kindness, forgiveness, and so on.

What kind of love does our Lord feel for His Church? Both! If you read the New Testament, you’ll find our Lord criticizing His People, often very sharply. But you never see Him putting up with us or barely tolerating us. Jesus Christ not only loves His Church, He’s in love with Her!

He also feels benevolent toward us. He takes care of us, even when we’re not at our best. This is the main idea of our text, Christ loving us even when we we’re least worthy of it. He’s a Husband who smiles at His cranky wife and brings her flowers even after she’s done Him wrong.

Our Lord is a Loving Husband. After years of seeing Him as a hard master, Charles Wesley found out better,

Jesus Christ is a Giving Husband,

To add "giving" to "loving" may be redundant. A stingy love is a contradiction in terms. It’s like a seven-foot dwarf! If he’s seven-foot tall, he’s not a dwarf. If he’s a dwarf, he’s not seven-foot tall! In the same way, if you’re stingy, you’re not loving, and if you’re loving, you’re not stingy.

But, the key here is not that our Lord is just giving, but, rather, what He gives. What does He give us? Everything—James 1:17. But, listen carefully, Everything is not enough! Jesus Christ gives us more than food and shelter, health and happiness, pardon and heaven. He gives us Himself!

That’s where we husbands often fail! We give our wives many things—food, clothing, shelter, kids, money, jewelry, and so on. These are good things to give them. But, they can never make up for keeping back the one thing they want most: Ourselves!

A prostitute gets a man’s money; a mistress gets his apartment, but a wife gets the Man Himself. That’s what marriage is at its best—not giving her things, but giving her yourself.

That includes your time, your interest, and your affection.

Jesus Christ is a Giving Husband—Self-Giving!

Fourthly, our Lord is a purposeful husband. V.26 starts with a purpose clause. It tells us what He is aiming at,

The power, love, and sacrifice of Christ are going to achieve something for his Church. They’re going to save us from our sins—not only their punishment—but, in the end, even their presence. The Bride of Christ is not spotless at the moment, but she will be! Because of what her Husband has done for her!

Brothers, you are not all-powerful. The best husband in the world cannot guarantee the holiness of his wife. But we can aim for it. We can be the sort of husbands who will promote holiness in our wives and not hinder it.

How do we keep her from being holy? By provoking her, by setting a bad example, and by doing nothing! Headship is inescapable! You are leading your wife—in one direction or the other. Where are you taking her? To heaven? Or Somewhere Else?

How do we help our wives to become holier? By doing what Christ does for His Bride. By leading her (gently and whether she wants to go or not). By approving of her and showing your affection. By doing right by her, whether she deserves it or not. By sharing ourselves with her—not just in part, but all of ourselves. Giving her our minds, our emotions, our bodies, our time, our attention, our laughter, our tears, and all we have.

That’s a big job. But it’s worth it. There’s a rich pay off. Certainly in the end, there is. The man who loves his wife will one day be more than amply rewarded,

There’s a non-stop party going on in heaven. When you get there, if you’ve been faithful, you’ll find your name on the Guest List.

That’s the ultimate reward of all service. But, many of us can look for even more. Godliness often has a reward in this life. Do you want a good wife? If you do, be a good husband. Do you want her to submit to you? If you do, love her. Do you want her to be godly? If you do, go to work—on yourself. There’s nothing in the world your wife needs more than a good husband. Be that man, and see if God doesn’t use your efforts to make her what He wants her to be.