TEXT: I Peter 3:1-6

SUBJECT: The Godly Woman: in a Mixed Marriage

Rembrandt van Rijn is my favorite artist. His paintings positively startle the eye with their vivid color. The gushing blood in "The Blinding of Samson" or the luminous Hebrew characters in "Belshazzar's Feast" readily come to mind. But if you look more closely at the canvas, you'll see that the reds and yellows are not as bright as you first thought they were. They just radiate from the shadowy background. The darker it is, the brighter the colors appear.

The same is true of grace. "Where sin abounds, grace does much more abound". It is "made perfect in weakness". And "comes out as gold" from the refiner's fire. It is possible to live the Christian life under any and every circumstance. Job suffered as few have, but "did not sin or charge God foolishly". And some, seeking "a better resurrection" met exile, torture, and death with thanksgiving.

This brings me to the subject-at-hand: The Godly Woman in a Mixed Marriage. Wed to an unsaved man--maybe a very bad one--she is still asked to live a godly life. But more than "asked", she is enabled to do so. "She shall be held up--wrote Paul in another connection--"for God is able to make her stand".

This Scripture tells her what to do and gives the likely result of her conduct.

But first, it identifies the couple. She is a Christian who admires female godliness. The name "Sarah" commands her respect and invites her imitation. She is married to an ungodly man. Now, whether she married him in unbelief or against the will of God or thinking him to be a Christian is unknown and irrelevant. She is married to him and longs for his conversion.

He is an unbeliever, described as "not obeying the word". What sort of man is he? We can't say. Probably a Jew. This implies that he was a good fellow compared to his idolatrous neighbor. He respected the Law, went to synagogue, and treated his wife tolerably well. But when confronted by the claims of Jesus Christ, he said "No!" And nothing could change his mind, not even the tearful pleas of a loving wife. Or, he may have been a pagan. This assumes that he was a terrible husband. A Roman joke went something like this: "Wise men loan their wives, not their money." When away from home, he was unfaithful; when there, he was brutal and demanding. Wives fared little better than slaves at that time--and maybe worse. You can well imagine the revulsion she felt when he bowed at his domestic shrine, cursed her religion, or brought home a woman-for-hire. But that was the kind of life she lived: painful and demeaning. Or, he may have been an apostate. Maybe he met her at church and seemed the soul of godliness. But over the years, his ardor cooled and love for the world revived. And now, he is a Christian no more.

You can feel the tension, can't you? The once young lovers now have nothing in common. He lives for the here-and-now; she for eternity. He goes by the standards of the world, she follows the code of heaven. But worse, he wants to rear his children his way; she prefers God's way. And so the husband and wife are at loggerheads with each other. He will not bend--she can not.

And so, what should she do? Common sense would urge: "Leave him". But the Word of God won't allow it. She must make the best of a bad situation. Peter tells her how.

He first counsels submission: "Likewise you wives, be submissive to your own husbands". "Submission" is often confused with "obedience". But they are not the same! "Obedience" refers to conduct, while submission goes deeper--right to the heart. It is an attitude, a loving surrender to the husband's authority. Conscience may require the godly woman to disobey--but it never makes her defiant! She is always "submissive".

But to whom? The answer is: "to her own husband". Not to other men, be they ever so admirable. Gordon Clark makes an interesting comment here: "The word `own' in this verse probably should receive some emphasis...They had been converted and their husbands had not. It was therefore a temptation to associate with some Christian man. What at first might appear innocent, would quickly not appear so, and could in time not be so." In place of Clark's "associate", I might use "submit". Christian women sometimes submit to husbands--not their own! Their own men are unsaved or spiritually weak, and so they feel spiritually drawn to other men. This leads to disappointment with their own husbands and often provokes a vicious jealousy on his part. But this is dreadfully wrong. The Tenth Commandment forbids "Coveting your neighbor's wife (and presumably her husband, too). If you feel this way--stop it! It is nothing less than mental adultery.

The Apostle next urges "chaste conduct". The word "conversation" in the KJV does not mean "talk"--but "behavior". And "chaste" means "pure". The godly woman must not let her actions belie her testimony. She has long extolled the virtues of "love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, meekness, and self-control". Now she has the chance to demonstrate them under hard conditions.

Next, he calls for respect, "when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear". The man envisioned in this verse is not easy to respect: he is a wilful rejector of Jesus Christ. Yet she is called to respect him nonetheless. But is this possible? It is, for she does not respect his character, but his "headship". David respected a king possessed of devils. Sarah feared a husband who twice denied her. All Christians were commanded to honor the Caesar who called himself "Lord". The godly woman respects her husband--not because he's devout, sensitive, or hard-working, but because he is her husband!

Then comes character development, vv.3-4. Some Christians think this passage forbids outward beauty and praises "hound dog ugliness". It does not. It is not to be understood absolutely, but as a contrast. Much like Matthew 9:13: "I will have mercy and not sacrifice". Does this mean that "sacrifice" was not required of God's people of old? Nobody can read Leviticus and think that! What does it mean, then? That God prefers mercy to sacrifice. The same is true here. The godly woman is not preoccupied with her outward appearance. She may be well-groomed and tastefully dressed. But she is not absorbed by her clothing, jewelry, and make up. She is interested in something better and more lasting: "the hidden person of the heart".

Finally, the godly woman puts on "a meek and quiet spirit". This means that she is not peevish or combative--no less ugly and defiant. In practice, this implies:

The life Peter calls for is not easy to live. It may be the most fiery trial anyone has ever suffered. But the godly woman does not despair, for Peter offers real encouragement.

First he tells her what this kind of life does for her. It makes her "a daughter of Sarah". If Abraham is "the father of those who believe", then Sarah is their mother. She was a woman of eminent piety, faith and patience. And now, the obscure Christian lady, married to the beastly pagan, can join the Matriarch's family. What woman could ask for more?

Secondly, he tells her what this kind of life is likely to do for her husband: "he, without a word, may be won". Words are easily dismissed. That was a talkative age, too. But consistent godliness--viewed up close and personal--is mighty hard to argue with.