TEXT: Psalm 130:7-8

SUBJECT: Family Life #32: Disappointing Kids and the Parents

Who Reared Them

Today is the fourth Sunday afternoon of the month, and time for another sermon on Family Life. Before I announce the title, let me briefly expound our text. When I do, I think you’ll see how it applies to the topic—and how important it is to know, believe, and obey.

Psalm 130 was written by a man who down—way down. He doesn’t tell us exactly what his problem is, but it has something to do with sin—his own sin, I should add.

The guilt of his sin or its other consequences has put him "Into the depths". From his sorrow and fear, he cries out to God for help!

But the cry causes a problem: He’s not worthy of God’s help. He’s committed many sins—and its they that have got him in trouble. But then he remembers the grace of God—

The Lord knows every sin; He sees through every hypocrisy. He could put them in a book of remembrance—to be used against the sinner at some later time. If He did, no man would be justified before Him. But He doesn’t do that for His People! The Lord does not mark down our sins against us! No, what He does is forgive them. And this act of free grace strikes awe in the hearts of the forgiven!

Because the Lord has promised mercy to His people, the Psalmist waits for Him to make good on His pledge. Like a night watchman, he watches for the mercy to come his way.

When it does, he urges Israel—the whole People of God—to put their hope in the Lord! The reason they ought to do it is because of His character and His promise—

No sin is too great to be forgiven. No wrong is too bad to be righted. The power and grace of God are sufficient to make all things new.

This means the Lord commands you to hope, and by inference, He forbids you to despair.

Even if you’ve messed things up royally, nothing is too hard for the Lord to correct or, otherwise, turn to His glory and to your good.

That’s what Psalm 130 says and what it means to you and me.

Now for the topic of today’s sermon: Disappointing Kids and the Parents Who Reared Them.

When I say "disappointing kids", I have two things in mind. First, your kids are not saved. You’ve brought them to church their whole lives, you’ve conducted family worship in the home, you’ve prayed for the regularly, and you’ve tried to teach and discipline according to the Word of God.

But, even though you’ve done all these things, they’re not saved. They don’t profess faith in Christ and show no interest in His Word; they pray formally and without feeling, and their consciences are not sensitive to right and wrong.

In addition to not being saved (or, maybe as the result of it), they’re guilty of open defiance or bad attitudes; they’re mean to other kids, or have gotten into trouble with the opposite sex or with the police.

This is what I mean by "disappointing kids"—not imperfect kids—no one’s sinless—but kids who haven’t learned God’s ways and show no signs of learning.

By "the parents who reared them", I’m thinking of the guilt you feel about your kids. Maybe you neglected them in favor or work or hobbies or even church stuff. Or, maybe it’s not neglect you’re guilty of, but harshness or legalism. You were trying to follow the Bible, you thought, but—looking back on it—you see you were following it as a Pharisee would—and not as a Christian.

You’re disappointed in your kids—and also in yourself.

Maybe you haven’t admitted this to other people. Or, maybe you have, but they patronized you—telling you you’ve done a fine job, when you know you haven’t. Or, maybe you agreed with your assessment and condemned you for evil ways and said your kids will soon be in hell—because of you.

You turned to books for help and comfort. But they didn’t provide it. You opened your Puritan book and read a quote like this (from Richard Mather). Speaking of the Day of Judgment, he has your kids saying this to you,

You’ve gone to seminars and gotten counseling, and yet, things have not changed at home. Your kids are as bad as ever—and getting worse.

You’re discouraged. You know you’re saved, yet you’ve messed up the most important thing God ever gave you to do. The words of the prophet come to mind,

What you don’t need is another formula. Years ago, Bill Gothard gave you a list of six things to insure the salvation of your kids. But it didn’t work.

You also don’t need people piling on you. I have never understood why pastors beat up parents who are having trouble with their kids. They’re already beaten up! Piling on is both unkind and counterproductive.

What you really need is encouragement. Not phony optimism, but Gospel encouragement, good cheer form God’s Word.

That’s what I hope to provide this afternoon. What I have to say is far from complete. But it is true, and if you’ll think and act on it, things will be better--not perfect, but better.

Let me start off with some mistakes you’ve been told (or thought up yourself). I was tempted to call them "lies", but "Love thinks no evil" and so I won’t judge anyone’s motives. But, whether they’re lies or mistakes, they’re certainly wrong. Four came to mind.

My kids are unsaved because of me.

You understand why parents feel this way—think of all the sins they’ve committed at home and all the good they’ve left undone. You’re also glad that they’re taking responsibility for their sins. But, even though it’s right to confess your sins and to regret the hurt they’ve caused your kids, it is wrong to say your kids are lost because of you.

The Bible teaches that kids are lost because of (1) original sin, and (2) a stubborn rejection of God. For proof, read Psalm 51 and Romans 1-2. In short, they teach that kids are born separated from God, yet the know the Lord, and want no part of Him. Your kids are not unsaved because you lost your temper in 1998 or forgot to pray for them in the womb!

On this point—I think—Covenant Theology has badly hurt believing parents. In both its sophisticated and dumbed-down forms, it teaches something like this: God promises to save your kids—unless you mess up! No such promise can be found in the Bible!

You can do more for the conversion of your kids—and should do more! But don’t blame yourself for them not being saved. If you do, things can only get worse. Guilt often spurs one to immediate action (and that’s good). But you cannot live on it. If you try to, it will paralyze you.

It’s too late to do anything for my kids.

Many parents feel this way. Maybe they weren’t saved until their kids were nearly grown. Or, maybe they were saved, but they didn’t have time for their kids when they were younger. And now, in their teenage years, maybe—the chickens have come home to roost.

But is it too late? The longer you put off teaching or disciplining your kids, the harder it is to do it, of course. But that’s not the question. Is it too late? Has every opportunity been lost?

Not if your kids are alive. You cannot do for them at 16 what you could have done when they were babies! You cannot spank you 23 year old daughter or ground your 35 year old son. But you can do something. You can pray for them, you can witness to them, you can advise them, and you can set a good example for them.

You can also apologize to them for the neglect or abuse you’re guilty of.

One might smile at my naivete, but if you think it’s too late to do anything for your kids, let me call out a name to you. I think you’ll recognize it, and catch the significance.

Sarah.

Is 40 too old to have a baby? Maybe. How about 45? Borderline. How about 50? Probably too old. 60? Way too hold. How about 89? That’s laughable. But a 90 year old woman once gave birth to a baby boy. It was too late for her, but not for God,

Abraham and Sarah thought so. But it was God who had the last laugh.

Don’t waste time wringing your hands over what you should have done. Just do what you can now.

This is partly true. Some people do think you’re a rotten parent and ought to be ashamed of yourself. Let me tell you who they are: They’re either (1) people who don’t have kids, or (2) Pharisees.

Why you would care what people who have no kids think about your parenting skills is beyond me! They’re all experts—till they have kids of their own. Then, like the rest of us, they’re humbled.

As for Pharisees? Their kids are probably worse than yours. It may not show yet, but, don’t worry, it will before long.

Good parents don’t feel that way at all. They know how hard it is to bring up kids. If their kids are saved, good parents are amazed that God would save them—despite the sins they committed and the mistakes they made.

In any event, what other people think about you isn’t that important. They are not your masters, but fellow servants of your master. Let the servants take care of their own business, while the Master decides who did a good job and who didn’t.

God doesn’t love me anymore.

Is this what the Bible teaches? That God hates sinners and rejects people who are weak and prone to error? I seem to remember a thing called grace. When Christians sin, they don’t fall from grace, they fall into grace.

Of course the Lord is not pleased with you when you neglect your kids or are mean to them. But why would you equate His being pleased with you with His love for you? My kids grieve me far than other kids do—because I love them far more than other kids!

The Lord wants you to love your kids, to discipline them, to teach them, and to set a good example for them. But when you fail, He still loves you.

These are four mistakes than Christians parents often make:

• My kids are unsaved because of me.

• It’s too late to do anything for my kids.

• When people see my kids they think ill of me.

• God doesn’t love me anymore.

If you’re laboring under any of these mistakes, I can only tell you: Go free! Error chains you down. It’s

Having spent a lot of time refuting error, let me close with three truths. I suppose you already know them, but a reminder wouldn’t hurt.

God does not depend on you to save your kids.

The Lord often uses parents to win their children to the Lord. If He’s used you that way, you ought to be deeply grateful. What a privilege to win any sinner to the Lord. But especially a sinner who is also your own child!

But even though the Lord often uses parents to win their kids to faith, He does not need them! When debating Arminian Christians, we shout, "Salvation is of the Lord…Not of him who runs, neither of him who wills, but it is God who shows mercy…Who were born, not of blood, neither of the will of the flesh, neither of the will of man, but of God!"

When debating free-willers, we believe in the sovereignty of God, but, at home, we fall back on human effort—our own works to save our kids!

Baloney!

You ought to do everything you can to win your kid to Christ, but God can do it without you! If you’ve messed up your kids, trust Him to do it. And ask Him to.

You may have done better than you think you have.

The Day of Judgment will be full of surprises—and some of them will be pleasant ones! The Lord will praise people for feeding Him when He was hungry, clothing Him when He was naked, visiting Him when He was sick and in prison, and they’ll say,

Their consciences were tender; they thought about the sins they committed and how many good things they only half did. But the Lord thought better of them than they did of themselves.

Even though you think you’ve messed up royally, maybe your kids will be saved some day—and thank you for what you did to bring them to Christ!

Wouldn’t that be wonderful? Even if they grow up and leave home without Christ, wouldn’t it be wonderful to have them come home and thank you for telling them about the Savior’s love?

Who’s to say they won’t do that?

We have no idea how or when He’ll do it. But we have the promise,

We can trust Him to make it good.

If you’re down about your kids—and feel ashamed of yourself for bringing them up so badly, I can only refer you to our Psalm, and urge you to obey it,