TEXT: Proverbs 5

SUBJECT: Family Life #19: Sex Education

Today, with the Lord’s blessing, we’ll continue our study of Family Life. Last time, I urged the parents to train your kids to work. Work is an important part of life; doing it well is part of Christian witness. Yet how many kids are ready for work? Not many. Parents are partly responsible for this. Maybe you can’t take your son to the job site. But you can teach him to get up in the morning, to take orders, and to get along with other people. That’s a big part of job training.

Now, we’ll come to another important part of life, but one we’re a little nervous to talk about with out kids. Have you guessed what it is? That’s right: Teaching your kids about sex.

Who should be doing this? On this the Bible could not be clearer. It is the job of parents to teach their kids about sex. That’s implied in our chapter, isn’t it? The first words are "My son". This is a father talking to his son about The Birds and the Bees. He tells him what to do and what not to do.

It’s made even plainer in Ephesians 6:4, "Fathers…bring them up in the training and the admonition of the Lord". No part of life is excluded. Training is the positive side; admonition (or warning) is the negative side. It’s telling your kids about the joys—and dangers—of sex.

Most parents feel kind of funny about this; it’s embarrassing to talk about. But you’ve got to do it. To help you, let me remind you of what you already know perfectly well. If you don’t do it, somebody else will.

1. The Public Schools will be happy to do it for you.
2. Friends will do it.

3. The media will do it.

Honestly, in the fear of God, which one of these do you trust to say the right things in the right way? If you don’t want the world defining the terms for your kids, do it yourself under the Lordship of Christ.

Don’t let embarrassment keep you from doing your duty. "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love, power, and a sound mind".

In discussing these delicate matters with our children, what are we trying to do?

We’re not trying to promote safe fornication. Most parents are more scared of pregnancy or AIDS than they are of sin. Outside of marriage there is no safe sex. "Marriage is honorable to all, and the bed is undefiled, but fornicators and adulterers God will judge"—no matter what precautions you take!

The true aim of sex education is to prepare your kids for a happy and holy marriage. That is Solomon’s point in our chapter. He’s telling his son to stay away from loose women so that he can have a good marriage,

God is praising marriage and asking us, "Why would you settle for something less?" Pre and Extra-marital sex don’t add anything to marriage, but take away from its special joys.

In teaching our kids about sex, therefore, we’re trying to prepare them to be good husbands or wives.

What’s the content of sex education? When you sit down with your son or daughter to have that talk, what do you say? It depends, of course, on age and other circumstances, but here are some of the big ideas:

1. Inside of marriage, sex is a blessing. God created it, not to punish Adam and Eve, but to bless them. Even now, after the Fall, it remains "honorable and undefiled", that is, good and not dirty!
2. Sex is only a blessing. It should be enjoyed, but not worshiped. When a man makes it his god, it turns into a demon. Many husbands and wives are bitterly disappointed when they find out sex doesn’t bring perfect and eternal satisfaction. Of course it doesn’t. Only God can do that. "Lord, you have made us for yourself, and our souls are restless till they find their rest in you".
3. Sex is a private blessing. This means your body and desires belong to your husband or wife only. Therefore, you should dress modestly and talk about sex discreetly. Nothing is more exciting to a husband than a modest wife. By dressing and acting that way, she’s telling the world, "I belong to him". Nothing is more disgusting to a man than to see his wife throwing it out for everyone to see. Don’t confuse "private" with "shameful". Sex is an innocent pleasure, but only when it’s private.
4. Sex is not about taking, but giving. Sex is an act of love; and love, by its nature prefers giving to taking. That means you should care more about making your spouse happy than getting happiness yourself. In sex, like everything else, "It is more blessed to give than to receive". This pretty much answers all the questions that vex so many couples—what, when, and how. If you "esteem others better than yourself", you’ll know.
5. Sex is made good or bad by its context. Happy spouses tend to be good lovers; unhappy spouses tend to be bad lovers. A lot of men hope to ignore and abuse their wives all day long and then have a great time in the bedroom. They don’t want a wife, they want a prostitute. Things like mowing the lawn for her or ironing his clothes or saying "please" and "thank you" are great aphrodisiacs!

When do you start teaching your kids about the birds and the bees?

If sex education is training for marriage, you start it when they’re born. If you show your kids how to be a loving husband or wife, you’ve done most of the work already.

As for the more technical matters, pay attention to them, and you’ll know. When you see your son looking at a girl in a "new way", you know it’s time.

Don’t burden little kids with the weight of sexual responsibility. Don’t wait until they’re in the iron grip of lust. You have a fairly small window of opportunity, but if you pay attention, you’ll know when it’s open.

The most important part of sex education is also the most important part of life: The Lordship of Christ. Teach your kids that their bodies don’t belong to themselves or to their boyfriends or girlfriends. They belong to Christ. He wants them to keep themselves pure. God has

Help them do this by showing them that Jesus is Your Lord too. If you tell them to not watch R-rated movies, do you watch them? If you tell them to not tell or listen to smutty jokes, do you tell or listen to them? Do they see you gawking at women? Or talking about other men in an unwholesome way? Don’t expect your children to be holier than you are. Set a good example for them.

But don’t leave it there. "Pray without ceasing" for your kids. They need God’s help to stay pure in this polluted world. The temptations they face are far worse than what we parents faced at their age. Respect their temptations, and pray God will "Deliver them from evil". For Christ’s sake. Amen.