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TEXT: I Peter 3:8
SUBJECT: Family Life #3: Parents Be Courteous
This afternoon brings us to the third sermon in our study of "Family Life". Rather than going over the things you've heard a thousand times, I'm looking for topics that are important, but not so well known.
Thus far, we've seen the husband's duty to enjoy his wife and the wife's obligation to love her husband. Today, a word to parents: The Lord wants you to be courteous to your children.
THE DUTY
He says so here and in many other places, too. Five quick references will make the point, I hope:
1.Proverbs 15:1: "A soft answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up strife". This is another way of saying "Be courteous".
2.Colossians 3:21: "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger..." What is more likely to antagonize your children than bad manners?
3.Philippians 2:4: "Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others". This pretty much defines "courtesy" doesn't it? Thinking of others.
4.Acts 28:7b: "Publius received us and entertained us courteously for three days". Publius was a Roman governor--and a Pagan. Should he treat strangers more politely than we treat our own children?
5.Matthew 7:12: "Whatever you would have men do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets". Do you want others treating you rudely? If not, don't treat your kids that way.
Make no mistake about it. The Lord wants you to be polite to your children. Courtesy is a branch of love and the rule of life.
THE EXAMPLES
Examples of courtesy are not that interesting. But examples of rudeness are quite revealing. I sat down with my boys one day and asked: "How are parents rude to their children"? What they said struck a little to close to home. Here's the list with very little comment. Twelve things in all--"The Dirty Dozen".
1.Ignoring them. They're talking but you're not listening.
2.Not taking them seriously. What they're saying is silly to you, but not to them.
3.Rushing them. They're trying to tell you something, but its taking too long and you say, "Come on, come on, get to the point. I haven't got all day..."
4.Interrupting them.
5.Sighing. What they say is obviously boring you to tears.
6.Irritability. Like Nabal, you're such a scoundrel at home "No one can say a word to you".
7.Yelling or using extreme language.
8.Ascribing evil motives to them. They break a window and instead of assuming it was a mistake, you charge them with malice! In your courtroom, they are "Guilty until proven innocent".
9.Not hearing them out. Some things look bad, but aren't. Maybe your son stayed out past his curfew--to help someone whose car broke down. But if you don't hear him out, you'll never know that.
10.Embarrassing them in front of their friends. "If your brother sins against you, go tell him his fault between you and him alone..."
11.Speaking ill of their friends whom you don't even know. "Judge not according to appearance, but judge righteous judgment".
12.Not apologizing when you're wrong.
The list is not complete. And it does not apply to just a few vulgar and hateful families.
Fifty years ago, C.S. Lewis wrote an article on a lunch he had one Sunday afternoon--at the pastor's house.
"Outside his own home, the [pastor] behaves with ordinary courtesy. He would not have interrupted any other young man as he interrupted his son. He would not, in any other society, have talked confident nonsense about subjects of which he was totally ignorant; if he had, he would have been corrected with good temper. In fact, he values home as the place where he can `be himself' in the sense of trampling on all the restraints which civilized humanity has found indispensable for tolerable social [life]. And this, I think, is very common. What chiefly distinguishes domestic behavior from public [life] is surely very often simply its downright rudeness. What distinguishes domestic behavior is often its selfishness, slovenliness, incivility--even brutality. If they practiced [it] elsewhere, they would be knocked down".
THE RESULTS
Rudeness is very bad in itself. It is the opposite of "love which does not behave rudely, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil, does not parade itself, is not puffed up" and so on.
Bad things have a way of producing bad results. Discourtesy hurts you as it gets you in the habit of sinning. It hurts your children in immediate ways. For example, they don't enjoy being at home. Who would? It makes it hard to "Honor their parents". It hurts them long-term, too. For rudeness is an example they're likely to follow when they have kids.
It hurts your church and neighbors too. For we see what you do and hear what you do. "Evil communications corrupt good morals".
But mostly, it dishonors God. All sin does that. But particularly sins of harshness and meanness. For nothing is more out of character with Him than these.
THE CHANGE
If you're discourteous to your children, what do you do about it?
1.Confess your sins to God. I John 1:9. Without His grace, you cannot change for the better. And without a good conscience, you won't have that grace. Cf. Psalm 66:18.
2.Apologize to your children and ask them to pray for you. James 5:16. Some people think admitting sins to their children will undermine their credibility and authority! What? You think they don't know your sins already? You think hypocrisy and stonewalling builds respect? Come clean with your kids. It'll be good for you.
3.Watch against small sins. Parents rarely go from "wonderful" to "intolerable" all at once. Stop before you become a witch or a tyrant or whatever you are! Psalm 19:12-13.
4.Seek the help of your brethren. No parent will judge you harshly because we're all guilty of being rude to our kids! Galatians 6:1.
5.Meditate on your Heavenly Parent. What kind of Father is God? He is a "Father who pities His children"; He's a Father who is "Gentle with His young"; He's a Father who is "merciful, gracious, longsuffering and abundant in truth and goodness". Ephesians 5:1.
May God bless our families in the New Year. God forgive our rudeness. God make us into His own Image. For Christ's sake. Amen.
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