TEXT: Proverbs 22:6

SUBJECT: Family Life #16: Lead the Children

Today, with the Lord's blessing, we'll continue our study of Family Life. To help me in the work, I've recruited an old and dear friend of mine, Richard Baxter. He was a Puritan Pastor who lived from 1615-1691. His theology was not always right. But when it comes to practical living under the Lordship of Christ, no one ever taught better than he did.

I encourage you to get his great book, The Christian Directory. It's size may intimidate you (1,000 pages of small print and double-column). But you don't have to read it from cover-to-cover. Just browse through the table of contents and read whatever interests you at the moment. It is a goldmine of sanctified good sense.

The topic is Leading your Children.

Our text is fairly clear, isn't it? "Train up a child..." In assumes that children require leadership and that God wants parents to provide it. Many other verses could be cited to the same effect; no verse can be found to teach otherwise.

The Lord wants all parents to lead their children. Richard Baxter can tell you how to do it.

TAKE CHARGE

Children need to know who's in charge of the home. Someone is--make no mistake about that. If it's not you, it's your kids. Without being mean or unreasonable, parents have to make it clear that they're in charge.

You mustn't demand perfection from your kids, but you must have their respect and obedience. The sooner the better!

These means: start early. Don't let your toddlers control you. Last week at the store I saw a man with a two-year-old boy. The man called him--he didn't come. He yelled at him--nothing. He cursed at the boy--and the boy kept on his merry way. The man was a tough-looking guy. He might have beaten up any man in the store. But he wasn't in charge of his son. Unless changes are made, that little boy will be

If you've lost your authority in the home, you've got to get it back. It's going to be harder with teenage kids than with toddlers, but you've still got to have it.

How do you get it back?

Baxter says in five ways.

Parents don't rule their children because they're bigger or stronger or smarter. They rule their children because God says so. He makes the Rules! Impress this upon your children: disobeying you is disobeying God. Not because you're always right, but because you're the parents.

Parents rule under the authority of God. But if you want to do this credibly, you've got to rule with the wisdom, patience, and love of God.

So many parents browbeat their children with the Bible! But don't apply it much to their own lives. Yet the God who says, "Honor father and mother" also says--"Do not provoke your children to wrath".

Submission is never easy. Why make it harder by being mean or unreasonable in your rule?

Rule your family--God's way.

This means: If you want to rule your family, you've got to rule yourself. How many parents scream at their kids for making too much noise!

This undermines your credibility with your kids. Do you respect hypocrites? People who preach one thing, but practice another? I bet you don't. If you're this way at home, how can you command the respect of your children?

Don't ask your kids to be holier than you are. Back up your words with your actions. If you haven't done that in the past, start now! Apologize to your kids and live a life they can respect.

Authority is like a garden: It has to be kept up! Not every second of the day, of course, but you can't go too long without using it. Or, you won't have it any more. Let your kids back-talk you a little bit and they'll do it more and more. Let them disobey one rule and soon they'll be in charge.

The best way to avoid ugly confrontations with your kids, is to keep up a gentle authority at all times. You can't let them run wild six days a week and make them behave on Sunday.

Don't try to be your son's "buddy". Don't try to be your daughter's "girlfriend". They don't need buddies or girlfriends; they need parents. Loving parents, of course. Parents they can talk to, yes. But always parents.

Mom, Dad, if you want a good home, take charge of it. To help you do it, just remember:

Parents, take charge. That's the first thing to do if you want to lead your children.

WORK HARD AT RULING WELL

Parents, having children obliges you to rule them well. And this, in turn, obliges you to work hard at learning how to do it. Do you want a careless doctor working on your body? If not, how can your work on your kids' souls without any thought?

Being a bad parent is easy; being a good one is hard. Sending your kids to hell is a snap; it's leading them to heaven that requires all your attention.

Here's how to become a good, wise parent.

This was true in Baxter's day, of course. Yet even more needful today. For he lived in a Christian Culture. It was assumed parents were in charge at home; that children should respect and obey them. If kids were bad, teachers or neighbors would report them to their parents.

But today the opposite is true! Our culture laughs at obedient children! It intimidates parents who spank their kids. If your teenage girl wants to commit fornication, her teacher will tell her how to do it!

If you want to be a wise parent, you've got to "Hit the Book!" Over and over again. You've got to read the Bible carefully and ask God to teach you its wisdom.

Even Christian books on parenting--for the most part--are unreliable. Tedd Tripp's books are excellent; so are Jay Adams', Wayne Mack's; and Bruce Ray's. But beyond these authors, I don't know who is trustworthy! Dr. Dobson sure isn't; he's by far the most popular Christian writer on the subject. And one of the worst.

But the Bible is always reliable. Read it if you want to be a wise parent.

This is extremely important. Legalism applies the same rules to everyone in the same way. But wisdom knows better. Some kids have to be spanked often; others do better with a good talking to.

Discipline also has to change over the years. What's good for a six-year-old won't work with a teenager.

You've got to get a fix on each child. Find out what he needs or what she responds to.

That means you've got to spend time with every kid. Time without the TV blaring in the background. You've got to find that time. If you have take it out of your work or out of your recreation, just remember what's at stake. Children have eternal souls that will live forever--with God or the devil!

Not every fault or sin is equally bad. Don't punish them all alike. If you spank your son for spilling the milk, what do you do to him when he runs away from home?

Make the punishment fit the crime. Don't punish them for being kids (they are kids). Don't punish them for getting on your nerves (that's your problem). Don't punish them for mistakes (everyone makes them).

Punish them for their sins. Crack down especially on lying, disrespect, defiance, and cruelty. These are things God abhors; they're things that will bring nothing but misery to your kids.

This may be the most needful thing Baxter says. Most kids are bored to death. Why? Because they've got nothing to do. Idleness itself is a sin and leads to many others.

What was the sin of Sodom? We know that: perversion. Why were these men more perverted than most others? Ezekiel 16:49 tells why,

There sin was largely the result of...having nothing else to do!

Many parents are training their kids in idleness. Hours of numbing TV every day; hours of talking on the phone; hours on the internet; sleeping in till noon in the summer; no chores around the house; no jobs. Nothing to do! Bored, bored, bored!

And then we wonder why they get into trouble!

Give your kids something to do. Not "busy work", but something worth doing. Work is good for you; it builds character; it improves patience; it strengthens the body; it makes a living.

Years ago I asked my Dad what he thought of young carpenters. "Not much" he said. "Why?" I wanted to know. "Because they're not strong enough to put in a day's work". "Why not" I asked. "Because they never worked when they were kids".

He's exactly right. Parents taught them to be lazy and are surprised they can't hold a job!

CLOSE AND APPEAL

God wants parents to lead their children. Deep down, most parents want to. But many don't. Because they're not willing to do it God's way.

Are you? If you're doing it now, God bless you! Thank God for this grace and help those who aren't. But if you're not--and want to be--then go home today and do two things:

May God crown your efforts with success. For Christ's sake. Amen.