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TEXT: Ephesians 5:23
SUBJECT: Family Life #15: Leadership in the Home
This is the fourth Sunday afternoon of the month, and so it's time for another sermon on Family Life.
The topic is implied in our text. It is the husband's duty to lead his wife.
DUTY
Should the husband lead his wife? The Bible says he should. There is no verse commanding it--as far as I know--but many verses approve it. Here's a small sampling:
Ephesians 5:23: "The husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the Church".
This is a figure of speech, of course. But it's not hard to divine: Just as the head leads the body and Christ leads the Church, so the husband leads his wife.
Ephesians 5:22: "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord..."
If a wife should "submit" to her husband, what is she submitting to...but his authority or leadership. Colossians 3:18
and I Peter 3:1 say the same thing.
I Peter 3:6: "As Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him `Lord', whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror".
Sarah is praised for calling her husband, "Lord". Why? Because Abraham was her Lord--or her leader. And Peter goes on to imply that modern women will also be praised if they accept their husbands' leadership in the home.
These verses teach the husband's duty to lead his wife. No verse can be cited to the opposite effect. You will look in vain to find words like these in the Bible, "Husbands, obey your wives", "The wife is the head of the husband", and so on.
Observe also the unqualified nature of these verses. They don't say, "The smart husband is the head of the ignorant wife" or "Wives, submit to your own husbands if they are holier than you are". They assume every husband is to lead his wife.
"Male" and "Female" are biological. "Masculinity" and "Femininity", are spiritual. In other words, to be "male" means to have a certain kind of plumbing. But to be "man" means to lead your wife. When a wimpy husband is urged to "Be a Man", it doesn't mean to "grow a beard", but to "take charge".
DEFINITION
What is leadership?
Before I try to define it, let me make clear what leadership is not:
1.It is not absolute power or the right to do whatever you please. Only One Man has that--Jesus Christ. The husband's authority is limited by the Lordship of Christ.
2.It is not doing something without consulting anyone or thinking how it might affect them. For this is inconsistent with love and humility.
3.It is not micromanagement. Some husbands make every decision in the family--from where they live to what toilet paper they use! This is emphatically not leadership. To prove my point, let me remind you:
a.Of the Virtuous Woman. She's described in Proverbs 31. If you read the chapter, you'll see she is submissive to her husband, but also perfectly able to think for herself and not consult him every five minutes.
b.Of the Lordship of Christ. His Law sets the boundaries for our lives. But, within these limitations, He gives great freedom
Husbands, don't micromanage your wives! It's bad for you and her; it sets a bad example for your kids; it gives the enemies of Christ reason to blaspheme--as they see the contempt you feel for your wife.
If leadership is not these things, what is it? It's something like this:
1.It is making the big decisions for the family.
2.Following up on the decisions.
3.Taking responsibility for the decisions.
The man who does these things is leading his family. The man who won't do them is not in charge of the home.
Let me make myself clearer--I hope--by contrast.
1.If the husband makes the big decisions for his family, it means he does not dump everything on his wife or allow her to bully him.
2.If the husband follows up on the decisions, it means that he does more than set the agenda, but he sees it is carried out, as best he can.
3.If the husband takes responsibility for the decisions, it means he doesn't blame others if they go wrong and, if they do, he apologizes to the people they hurt.
To sum it up: Leadership is taking responsibility for your family under the Lordship of Christ.
EXERCISE
That's the theory. Now for the practice. How do you become "the man of the family"?
You don't do it by becoming "macho". Strutting around, showing off your authority, yelling, browbeating your wife with the Bible, and so on. Machismo is another word for pride. Proverbs 15:33 says, "...Before honor is humility".
The Greatest Leader of All was the humblest Man, "You call Me Teacher and Lord, and you say well, for so I am", He said that in the context--not of taking the throne at God's Right Hand--but taking the towel and washing the disciples' dirty feet!
On the positive side,
Set a good example. It is hard to follow a man who doesn't practice what he preaches. If you want your wife or kids to submit to your authority, submit yourself to the authority of Jesus Christ.
Study the Bible to find out what Christ wants for your family. Man-made rules are often cruel and galling. But, the Yoke of Christ is easy; His Burden is light; His commandments are not grievous. Let the Word of Christ rule you and your family and leadership will become easier for you and them.
Do everything in love. There's more than one way to take charge of your family. Some do it harshly; others do it with gentleness. The former beat their families into submission; the latter touch hearts and make the home a happy place to be.
Man, listen to yourself. How do you talk to your wife? Do you ask her to do things? Or issue commands? Do you say "please" and "thank you"? Are your questions questions--or accusations? If she's done something wrong, do you correct her "in a spirit of meekness, considering yourself"? Or in a spirit of anger--as though you never mess things up? Just listen to yourself. The meekest wife doesn't like to be talked to like a child or a dog or an enemy. Proverbs 15:1 is still in effect.
"A soft answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger".
HELP
To help you become the leader of your family, let me offer two pieces of advice. The first is rather bracing; the second, more pleasant to hear.
1.Remember that leadership is not an option, but a stewardship from God and one for which you will one day answer to Him.
It is not society or tradition or the Church that says, "The Husband is the head of the wife"; it's God who says it.
One day God will call you on it--Ecclesiastes 12:14.
The parable of the talents will then be fulfilled. For good or bad.
2.Meditate much on the leadership example of Jesus Christ. Does He lead His Bride? Yes He does! But never selfishly, foolishly, or brutally. The "Head of the Church is also the Savior of the Body".
CLOSE
What should we husbands do? We should examine ourselves, repent of our sins, and seek to be the kind of leaders we ought to be. If we haven't led at all (or led very badly), let's apologize to our wives and seek their forgiveness.
What should wives do? They should sympathize with the responsibility their husbands have. If it's not easy being a wife--it's even harder being a husband. They should also make their husbands' leadership as easy as possible, by respecting his decisions and obeying them.
What should the unmarried do? Women should look for leadership qualities in their men. Men should look for the kind of women who will submit to the leadership.
What should kids do? They should learn from their parents' example. Both good and bad, Romans 12:9b.
And everyone ought to pray--and work for--the reformation of the family.
God make us good leaders, men. For Christ's sake. Amen.
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