TEXT: Colossians 3:20-21

SUBJECT: Colossians #11: The Family

Christ is Enough! That's the "big idea" of Colossians. In Chapters One and Two, Paul defends the doctrine; in Chapters Three and Four, He applies it.

If Christ is enough for you, you'll "Seek the things above, not the things on the earth". Thus far, we all agree. Of course, heavenly-mindedness is better than worldliness.

In the abstract.

But what does it look like in "real life"? In vv.18-19, we see how it affects marriage. It makes the wife "submit to her own husband as is fitting in the Lord". As for the husband, it makes him "love his wife and not be bitter toward her". The Christ-centered marriage is not perfect or trouble-free, but it is humble and loving.

In vv.20-21, we see how kids and their parents act if Christ is enough for them.

CHILDREN

We start with the kids. "Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord".

You've read this verse so many times that maybe you're not struck by what it implies. It tells us that children have a place in the church. They're not just tagging along with their parents, but are full and functioning members of the Body of Christ.

Not everyone agrees. Many churches won't baptize or admit members till the age of eighteen. I listened to their reasoning and found it quite persuasive, except for one thing--it has no support from the Bible! They say it's based on prudence--and maybe it is. But I think it's based on fear--the fear of "what might happen" if we baptize a ten year old boy and he later falls away. This happens, of course. But not just to children. It happens to young adults. It happens to the middle-aged. It happens to senior citizens, too. Hypocrisy is "no respecter of persons".

Kids have a place in the church. They belong to it as much as their parents do.

How do they come into this fellowship? Not by birth; not by baptism; but by faith. The church is not made up of "Believers and their seed". But of believers only. Including children who believe!

3:1-3 apply to all members of the church. Some are husbands; some are wives. Some are masters; some are slaves. Some are parents and some are children.

Through faith, children--no less than their parents--are "raised with Christ".

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What does the Lord want these children to do? He wants them to "Obey their parents".

To "obey" means you do what your parents ask, when they ask, and with a good attitude. This means you don't ignore your parents; you don't talk back to them; you don't grumble; you don't pout.

The Lord does not want forced obedience--doing what you're told only because your parents are bigger than you are. You're to obey "Not grudgingly or of necessity" (i.e., not with a bad attitude or only because you have to), for "God loves a cheerful giver".

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Our Lord wants children to obey their parents..."in all things". "All things" don't include sin, of course. For sinning never pleases God--even if your parents tell you to.

Most parents don't tell their children to sin. They sin themselves or set a bad example, but they don't pull their kids aside and say, "I wish you'd fight a little more around the house!"

Most of what they say is good for you; very little of it will hurt you. And so, unless they command you to sin or way overstep their authority, you ought to do what your parents ask you to do.

This is hard to do, I know. Especially when your parents are wrong. To help you do it, I remind you of your Savior Jesus Christ. His parents misunderstood Him and bawled Him out in public, for no reason at all! Yet, He didn't sulk; He didn't tell His friends how rotten His parents were. No, the Bible says:

The Lord Who obeyed His parents will help you to obey yours. If you ask Him.

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Why should you obey your parents?

It's not to be saved. Many kids think so. They hear "obey your parents" so often they mistake it for the Gospel! But, of course, it isn't. The most obedient child in the world is not saved because he obeys.

You should obey your parents because "it is well pleasing to the Lord".

The Lord is happy when you obey your parents; He's grieved when you don't. I think words, "well pleasing" are worth thinking about. Some Christians make the Lord very hard to please. They never tire of reminding us that our "righteousnesses are as filthy rags" and when we've done our best, we're still "unprofitable servants".

These verses are true, of course, but I don't think they mean quite what these people say they do. For many other verses say that God is "gracious, merciful, slow to anger" and other things that sound a lot like "easy to please".

Our verse doesn't say He "tolerates" obedience or "accepts it with grave hesitation", but that He's "Well pleased" with it. He's "tickled pink" when He sees His little ones obeying their parents. Philippians 4:18 calls it "A sweet smelling savor" not a cheap cigar, not a neutral odor, but something God inhales with delight!

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Three short applications:

Children, do you obey your parents? No one's perfect. But that's not the question. Do your parents have to fight you for everything? Do they have to tell you a million times? Disobedience is a terrible thing. It creates strife in the home; it brings the judgments of God. But most of all, it hurts Jesus Christ. I know that's not what you intend to do, but that's what you do. If you can't love or respect your parents, love and respect your Savior. And obey your parents for His sake.

Children, do you make it hard for your brothers and sisters to obey? You parents tell them: "Don't fight". But then you tease them and exclude them. They get mad about it, start a fight, and maybe get a spanking. You've know what you've done? You've done Satan's work for him. By making others mad, you "give place to the devil". Don't make it hard on other kids to obey.

Parents, it is not easy for your children to obey you. They've got the "devil, the flesh, and the world" working against them all day long. Don't make it any harder on them. Don't make impossible demands. Don't be a stickler for every little thing. Notice their obedience and reward them for it. But most of all show them what obedience is! If you're a wife, obey your husband in the same way you'd like your children to obey you. If you're a husband obey God promptly and from the heart.

In short, let your kids see that obedience doesn't enslave you, but sets you free.

FATHERS

Having talked to the kids, Paul turns to the fathers. "Fathers, do not provoke your children..."

I find this verse somewhat puzzling. Since he says "parents" in v.20, you'd think he would say the same here. But he doesn't. He says..."Fathers".

I wonder why? "Fathers" could be shorthand for "parents". It could mean they're more likely to aggravate the kids than mothers are. Or maybe it means something else. Maybe it means "Fathers are to set the tone for family life". That men are to excel in the graces of patience and tenderness at home. That's what I think it means.

In many Christian homes, "father" means "drill sergeant, lion tamer, and executioner". He gives the orders; he cracks the whip; he punishes the evil-doers. The mother offsets his hard edge with a soft shoulder.

If this is what a father is or should be, the Prophets and Apostles chose an awfully bad word to describe God. He's not like this at all! Psalm 103:13 says

Fathers are to model their "fathering" on God's example.

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The father's duty is plain. It's to "Not provoke [his] children to wrath".

How do fathers "provoke their children to wrath"?. I came up with three lists.

Younger kids are "provoked" when you:

Older kids are "provoked" when you:

All kids are "provoked" when you:

The lists are not complete. To cover all possibilities, apply the Golden Rule to your children. "Whatever you would have others do to you, do also to them".

Fathers should examine themselves and find their own faults. But they shouldn't stop there. They should ask their kids how they aggravate them. And, when the criticism is just, "take it like a man".

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If you "provoke your children to wrath", they "become discouraged". They give up trying to please you. They look for their acceptance and approval somewhere else. And don't kid yourself, they'll find it. Maybe in a gang. Maybe in fornication. Maybe in a hasty marriage. Maybe in drugs. You're kids are looking for a place to belong. Make that place your home.

Three applications and we'll be done:

Fathers, are your irritating your children? All authority chafes on your kids. But you don't have to make it worse by lording it over them. God give us gentle fathers.

Mothers, are you helping your husband be kind and patient with the kids? If you're adding to his burden, you're not. Wives do this. They undermine their men with the kids. They nag and scold them. They let the kids go wild and then tell him to "handle it". These things irritate your husband, and make it hard on him to not irritate the kids. If you were more kind and patient with him maybe he'd be better with the children.

Children, are you driving your parents crazy with your stubbornness and foolishness? If so, you need to repent. If you want better parents, make it easier on them.