My talk today is on the Puritan View of Marriage. I take up this topic, for three reasons: (1) to prepare us for the upcoming Family Camp, at which our brother will teach on "Love, Courtship and Marriage"; (2) to clear the Puritans of the false charges so often made against them; (3) to inspire us to better marriages. God gave us the Puritans for that reason. It behooves us, therefore, to "mark those who so walk, as we have them for an example".

But first, let me briefly tell you who the Puritans were. They were not--as often imagined--a denomination (like the Baptists, Presbyterians, or Methodists). Rather, Puritanism was a reform movement within all of the churches of England and America. It began early in the reign of Queen Elisabeth, c.1560, and formally closed at the Glorious Revolution, in 1688. Some of its leading men were Oliver Cromwell, John Owen, Thomas Watson, Philip and Matthew Henry, and, of course, John Bunyan. Their American counterparts included the great Cotton and Mather families, John Winthrop, and Jonathan Edwards.

The Puritan motto was HOLINESS UNTO THE LORD. They wanted to apply God's Word to every area of life; the soul, the family, church, society, and state, all must be "to the praise of the glory of His grace".

When it comes to "courtship, love, and marriage", we need their help. They compare most favorably to us. Adultery, divorce, wife-beating, nagging, non-support, and the other ills that weaken our society were almost unknown in their's. What was their secret? Or, what did they know that we don't?

I hope to outline some of it this afternoon.

In the first place, the Puritan marriage was entered into with great care. Don't get me wrong: Puritans also fell in love, sometimes at first sight. Daniel Rogers wrote, "Marriage love is ofttimes a secret work of God, pitching the heart of one party upon another for no known cause..." John Edwards' love for his wife, it seems, began this way. When he met the young lady, he spoke of his mind as "violently beset".

Puritan love, however, did not disengage the mind. They married with an informed love, not on impulse. What should a man look for in a wife?

It has been said "Marry in haste, repent in leisure". The Puritans took this seriously. They put holiness before good looks; good sense before sexual lust; and the will of a wise parent over that of an impulsive child. The consequence? Stable, lasting marriage.

In the second place, the Puritan marriage was one of mutual obligation. Baxter again speaks to the subject: "Let your marriage covenant be made understandingly, deliberately, heartily, in the fear of God, with a fixed resolution to perform it. Understand well all your duties of the relation before you enter into it; and run not unto it as boys to a play, but with the sense of your duty, as those that engage themselves to a great deal of work of great importance..."

The husband's duties were definite and fixed. He was to provide for his wife financially, religiously, and emotionally. He was urged to these duties from the pulpit; when that failed, civil authorities would step in and enforce them. John Smith of Medfield, Massachusetts, was fined 10 pounds (1-2 months wages) and given 30 stripes for leaving his wife. James Harris of Suffolk County, faced a similar charge: "disorderly carriage in his family, neglecting and refusing to provide for them and for quarrelling with his wife". He was fined 10 shillings. William Waters was ordered to "provide suitable meat, drink, and apparel for his wife". When Daniel Ela yelled at his wife that "she was none of his wife, but she was his servant", Essex County Court fined him 40 shillings.

The wife's duties were equally clear. She was to care for her husband and children. And she, too, was subject to civil penalties. A woman who nagged her husband would be put on "the ducking stool"--dipped under water a few times till she learned to show respect. This sounds rough. But is not by the standards of the day...or today! Edmund S. Morgan, a modern historian, has put it in perspective: "The Puritan wife of New England occupied a relatively enviable position by comparison say, with the wife of early Rome or of the Middle Ages or even of contemporary England; for her husband's authority was strictly limited. He could not command her to do anything contrary to the laws of God..." With respect to the children and servants--Morgan adds--"she was almost equal to her husband".

Adultery, in particular, was condemned. Three men in New England were executed for it; others were put in stocks, fined, and branded with "the scarlet letter". Churches excommunicated the adulterer without dissent.

The obligations were mutual. Thus the wife fared better under Puritanism than under any other system known to man. The Muslim and Jew could divorce his wife for any reason. The Catholic could not divorce, but could lawfully beat his wife and treat her as his servant. Today, no rules apply to marriage but "survival of the fittest". But the Puritan marriage was a partnership. It turned on a covenant of mutual obligations.

Thirdly, the Puritan Marriage was marked by an acute romanticism. This flies in the face of everything you have heard about the Puritans. One man lampooned them in verse:

"The Puritan through life's sweet garden goes

To pluck the thorn and cast away the rose;

And hopes to please by this peculiar whim,

The God who fashioned it and gave it him".

We can admire the Puritans for their grit and determination; their learning and eloquence. But their romance? We think of them as dreary men in black suits. But their hearts glowed with a romantic love for their wives.

Mr. Forrester told the husbands and wives of his congregation "to be enamored of their mates, and even mad again in their heat and desire for them".

In William Secker's book, "A Wedding Ring", he likened lovemaking to "two musical instruments rightly fitted to make a most pleasant and sweet harmony in a well tuned concert". He compared man and wife to "two streams in one current".

Thomas Hooker topped them all: "The man whose heart is endeared to the woman he loves...dreams of her in the night, has her in his eye and apprehension when he awakes, muses on her as he sits a the table, walks with her when he travels...She lies in his bosom, and his heart trusts in her, which forces all to confess that the stream of his affection, like a mighty current, runs with full tide and strength".

William Gouge attacked the contrary: "The disposition of such husbands who have no heart, or heart of affection in them...is in no way warranted by the Word. The faithful saints of God were not stoics, without all affection; nor did they think it a matter unbecoming them, after a peculiar manner to delight in their wives (witness Isaac's sporting with his wife) for this is a privilege which pertains to the estate of marriage".

Cotton Mather spoke of his wife as "a most lovely creature and such a gift of heaven to me that the sense thereof dissolves me into tears of joy".

The sex act was strongly encouraged within the boundaries of marriage. A woman complained to her pastor that her husband was neglecting their conjugal life, the church promptly excommunicated him!

But it was not sex--as such--that they sought, but communion. Rev. Cleaver lambasted sex without intimacy: "How can two become one flesh lawfully when they lack the union and conjunction of the heart?" William Perkins went further: "Nothing is more shameless than to love a wife as though she were a harlot!" John Milton outdid Perkins: "When love vanishes, the fleshly act may continue, but not holy, not pure, not becoming the sacred bond of marriage, being at best but an animal excretion".

The Puritan marriage, therefore, was shaped by a fervent love.

Lastly, the puritan marriage was a triangular relationship: husband and wife at the base, God at the top.

Samuel Willard: "Many other covenants are bounded by the makers, but all the duties of this covenant are appointed by God...When husband and wife neglect their duties they not only wrong each other, but they provoke God by breaking His law".

Richard Baxter: "Be sure that God be the ultimate end of your marriage".

The Puritan marriage was not perfect or sinless. They were "men of like passions as we are". But the marriages were good, solid, and glorifying to God. Divorce, domestic violence, and adultery were as rare in those days as they are common today. Can such a state of marital happiness be regained? Under the blessing of God, it can be. But how? Not by looking ahead to the latest craze, but looking back to what has worked in the past. And the only thing that has worked in the past (or can work in the present) is the Puritan life, one consecrated to God.

If you are unmarried, enter into marriage with supreme care and in the fear of God.

If you are married, indebt yourself to the well-being of your husband or wife; bring a sanctified romance into your marriage; and include God in everything you do. Make your marriage--like the rest of life--

HOLINESS UNTO THE LORD.