TEXT: James 1:25; Ephesians 4:17-5:7

SUBJECT: Bridled Tongue #4: Wholesomeness

Today, with the Lord’s help, we’ll continue our study of The Bridled Tongue. To bridle your tongue means to control what you say, how you say it, and when. The reason you ought to bridle your tongue is that—if you don’t—"Your religion is useless". You may think of yourself as deeply committed to Christ or devoted to God, but you’re not—not unless you watch what you say.

Thus far, we’ve looked at two things to aim for in our speaking: Truth and kindness. If it’s not true, don’t say it. And secondly, if it’s not kind, don’t say it—even if it’s true.

Now we move on to a third test, and that’s cleanness or wholesomeness. We live in a vulgar age. Much of what we hear is off-color, obscene or pornographic. Thirty years ago, George Carlin did a comedy skit called "The seven words you cannot say on TV". It shocked people back in the `70s; now it would make them laugh. You can hear them all on TV nowadays—and not only there. You can also hear them in Kindergarten!

Is that what the Lord wants for His people? No, it isn’t. He tells us to

Before we come to clean or wholesome speech, let’s spend some time on its opposite.

Or, what makes a dirty word dirty?

It’s not the word itself. The Bible gives no list of forbidden words. If it did, it would soon be outdated, for the meaning of words is constantly changing. Some of our dirtiest words were once perfectly innocent. And, at one time, one of the filthiest words you could say was…Malarkey! The uncleanness, then, is not in the word itself.

It’s also not in the subject matter. The Bible often speaks about sex and nudity. Sometimes positively, sometimes negatively—but always openly! The first words the human ear ever heard were these,

Before the Fall, sex and nudity could not be abused. But now, they can be—and often are. Yet the Bible speaks about them plainly, and without embarrassment. Read the Song of Solomon for proof.

The uncleanness of unclean words, then, is not in the subject matter.

If it’s not in the word and not in the topic, where is it? What makes a dirty word dirty or a conversation unwholesome? It’s the perspective—or how we talk about these things.

Let me give you an example: Homosexuality. How do most people talk about it?

Compare the two ways of discussing homosexuality with the perspective the Bible takes. If you read the story of Sodom, you’ll find it told in a very different way.

1. The tone of the story. It’s serious and not amusing. Eternal destinies are at stake.
2. The character of the men. They’re not described as sissies or limp-wrists, but—"The men of Sodom were exceedingly wicked and sinful against the LORD" (Genesis 13:13).
3. The effect they had on Lot. They "vexed his righteous soul" (II Peter 2:7). He was not amused by their shenanigans, but deeply hurt by their evil ways.
4. The end of the story: Fire falling from heaven.
5. The moral to the story—or the reason it was told: "The Lord knows how to deliver the godly out of temptations and to reserve the unjust under punishment for the day of judgment" (II Peter 2:9).
6. The Gospel perspective. Without lessening the wickedness of their sin, God sends His Son to save them from its guilt and power—"Such were some of you, but now you are washed…"

Can you join the conversation? Yes you can, but you’ve got to give God’s side of the story. And what’s that? Let me summarize:

• The problem with fornication is not that "sex is bad", but that "marriage is good" and all sex outside of it makes marriage less good than it could be. In other words, it hurts people—and, therefore, it hurts God.

If you take this perspective, you can discuss fornication all day long without ever becoming unwholesome.

What then is unclean speech? It’s talking about sex, nudity, anatomy, and so on, from any perspective other than God’s!

The only people who exaggerate more than fishermen are preachers. If we’re talking about something positive, we say, "This is the most important thing in the world". Or, if it’s something negative we’re talking about, we say, "This is the worst thing in the world".

Is unclean speech the worst thing in the world? Probably not, but it is very bad. A lot can be said here, but I’ll give you four reasons only:

1. Unclean words are a symptom of something unclean inside of you. Our Lord said, "Out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witnesses, blasphemies…these are the things which defile man".

A persistent cough is often a sign of a serious medical problem. I had one two or three years ago, and the doctor told me he thought it was allergies, but still had an X-Ray taken because, he said, "It might be lung cancer"! That was scary! Unclean words ought to be even scarier. For they don’t often indicate a serious spiritual problem; the always do.

No man can tell dirty jokes or talk about other women all the time unless something is very badly wrong with him--on the inside. In short,

"A tree is known by its fruit".

2. Unclean words make unclean acts easier to commit--Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth".

The word, "corrupt" probably doesn’t refer to the word itself, but to the effect it has on those who hear it. It’s not the corrupt word that is so bad, but the "corrupting" word. Lustful words have a way of inflaming lusts. And lusts have a way of becoming shameful deeds. And these, James said, lead to death.

Can you imagine anyone committing adultery without first talking about it? We have a word for it—flirting. Well, what is flirting, but an example of unclean speech? Thankfully, it doesn’t always lead to the act itself, but it still points that way. It always makes the act easier.

This is true of off-colored joking, too. By making light of sin—by laughing about it rather than weeping—we make it easier to commit the sin we find so funny.

3. Unclean words get you out of the mood for worship—"But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints, neither filthiness nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather, giving of thanks".

Note the contrast here: On one side we have "fornication, uncleanness, coarse jesting" and so on. On other side, we have "giving of thanks". Paul seems to be saying that unclean talk keeps us from thanking the Lord. Is he right? Of course he is! When I was a teenager, I whispered a slightly corrupt joke to a friend at church. And no sooner were the words out of my mouth than the pastor called on me to…pray! It wasn’t much of a prayer. Unclean words get you out of the mood for worship. It pollutes the sacrifice of praise you ought to be offering to the Lord constantly.

4. Unclean words grieve the Holy Spirit. Paul says the Gentiles are "past feeling and have given themselves over to licentiousness, to work all uncleanness with greediness…But we’re to "put off these things" so as to not "Grieve the Spirit of God".

Let me illustrate: What if you heard your son or daughter talking in a filthy way? It would make you mad, of course, but not only mad or even mostly mad. Mostly what it would do is break your heart! It has the same effect on God. He is grieved when He hears us using foul language or talking about things we shouldn’t.

If unwholesome words are bad for you, bad for others, and bad for God, they must be pretty bad. And so they are. Most people don’t know that, of course. They use them the way some people say, "you know". Unclean speech is their environment. Just as a fish doesn’t feel "wet" so they don’t feel "dirty". But fish are wet--and unclean talkers are dirty.

If unwholesome words are really that bad, we need to quit using them. But to do that, we have to find something to replace them with. What can do that? Two things:

The first is Silence. "In the multitude of words, there does not lack sin" (Proverbs 10:19).

One of the main causes of dirty talk is too much talk. We don’t intend to say bad things, but we get rolling, and out it comes. Shutting your mouth once in a will get you a long way toward cleaning up your speech.

The second is Wholesome conversation. "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers".

This means you should start or join conversations with the goal of making them better—not worse! If a friend starts taking it down, you bring it back up. That can often be done quite naturally, and without making others mad.

Have you ever known someone whom you wouldn’t say a bad word around? What sort of person is he? Is he stern and quick to pounce on any bad word you say? The ones I know aren’t that way at all. No, it’s not fear that keeps me from saying something bad around them, but respect. I wouldn’t want them to hear me talk that way! I’d rather receive the grace they’re so eager to impart to my soul.

This is the model we’re looking for. It’s not the Pharisee or the Prude, but the Christian. It’s humbly not going along with the crowd as they say their dirty words, but gently raising the level of conversation.

And remember: This does not require turning every conversation into a Bible study. No, it’s talking in a natural, appropriate way. With God in mind.

Finally, if God wants us to put off unclean conversation and replace it with something that pleases Him, where do we start? And what do we do?

You start with confession. You cannot clean up your words until you clean up your soul. And you cannot clean up your soul until you confess its dirtiness to the Lord—I John 1:9.

Next, you avoid unclean talkers as much as you can. Some people you cannot stay away from. But others you can. And here, let me single out the dirty talkers who appear on TV and radio every day. You can’t kick your foul-mouthed husband out of the home, but you can turn off the TV or change the dial when Jerry Springer comes by! I Corinthians 15:33 is not a joke.

Thirdly, you can befriend people whose conversation is wholesome. These people are like Shaquille O’Neal—easy to pick out of a crowd. Proverbs 13:20.

Lastly, you can pray, read the Bible, and meditate on God. Ask the Lord to help you—Psalm 141:3. Read the Word with devotion, for "The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever". Set your mind on the holiness of God, not so much His punishing sinners, but on the Beauty of [that] holiness.

Without being a fussy Pharisee or an old maid (of either sex), we can speak words that are wholesome and happy.

This is a powerful witness for Christ. Dirty talk is exciting—at first. But, before long, it becomes what it really is: Shallow, degrading, and dull!

We have something to offer the world that is none of the above: Holiness is deep, uplifting, and downright fun! Why don’t we model it for others? Matthew 5:16.