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TEXT: I Corinthians 13:5
SUBJECT: What Love is #5: Not Rude
What is rudeness?
When we think of rudeness what first comes to mind is bad manners--butting into conversations, chewing with your mouth open, laughing too loudly, and so on. These are examples of rudeness, of course, but what is rudeness? Think about it: What do these boorish acts have in common? This: They have no regard for other people.
A rude person, therefore, is not living in brotherly love, because "Love...does not seek its own".
This was a real problem with the Church at Corinth. It showed itself in many ways, such as:
1.In the way some women treated their husbands. In Chapter 11, we read that the women "prayed and prophesied" with their heads uncovered. In that culture, the veil was a symbol of a wife's submission to her husband. To take it off in public was a direct challenge to his authority, a slap in the face. But these women didn't care; they were rude.
2.The abuse of Christian liberty. Under the Gospel, a Christian can eat anything he pleases. Some in Corinth knew this; others, though, did not. They feared that eating meat sacrificed to the gods would bring them into idolatry. The former should have sympathized with them and helped them in their temptations. But they didn't; they flaunted their liberty and ate their meat even if it "destroyed one for whom Christ died". They weren't living in brotherly love; they were rude.
3.The Lord's Supper. The rich came early to church, brought all the food...and gobbled it up before the poor arrived. No concern for others. They were rude.
4.The prophets were rude, as each man competed for the pulpit, leading to the chaos of several voices speaking at the same time. No respect for each other; no regard for the Church. They were rude.
5.The most public examples of rudeness were the lawsuits. From time to time, one brother would have a grievance with another. Instead of overlooking the matter or settling it privately, they would fight it out in court. Each men would air the faults of the other--in front of unbelievers! They were rude.
The Corinthians were a rude people, but not the only ones. We can be rude too. We are rude when we ignore people; when we talk down to them; when we're short with them; when we don't take them seriously. These things are discourteous. And more: They are not compatible with brotherly love. If we love others, we won't be rude to them. If we're rude to them, we don't love them. "Love is not rude".
Is rudeness really that bad?
It depends on what you see as its opposite. If the opposite of rudeness is a stiff and formal etiquette, then, no, it's not that bad. But is that how Paul thinks of it? Is this a discourse on good manners? It isn't. It's a tribute to brotherly love. W. Graham Scroggie defines courtesy as "Love in the little things". If love is really that good, then rudeness is really that bad.
How do you feel when someone is rude to you? Not too happy I suppose. And so, "Whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets".
John Macarthur told a story about rudeness. His mother was always harping on his table manners. "What's wrong with slurping my soup?" he griped. He found out when he had to eat with a slurped. It was so revolting, Macarthur lost his appetite. He then knew that his mother was right: "Rudeness is really that bad".
Why are people rude?
The best way to answer that question is to read about people who are rude and see what they have in common. Thankfully, we have examples galore, three of which I can now mention.
1.Nabal. His story is told in I Samuel 25. He was a man, rich in livestock. One day David sent men to ask Nabal for a few sheep; he had them coming, for he and his army had protected the sheep for months. But Nabal didn't see it that way, and nearly got himself killed for his rudeness. Three verses describe him, vv.3,10,17.
2.Michal. Rudeness is no respecter of persons; women may be, and often are, as obnoxious as men. David's wife proves that. Her story is told in II Samuel 6:20ff. The Ark of the Covenant was brought to Jerusalem. This thrilled the king so, that he took off his crown and cape and so on, and danced before the Lord with all his might! But when he got home, his wife was waiting for him...
3.The Unjust Judge. A widow came to him with a just claim against someone who had stolen her estate. But he sent her home day after day without avenging her cause. Why? He tells her: "I do not fear God nor regard man". [If you've ever gotten a building permit or a driver's license, you've met this man's grandchildren].
Why were these people so rude? Nabal was proud--you couldn't talk to him. Michal was contemptuous--voice dripping with sarcasm. The judge was profane--unconcerned with God. These are the root causes of rudeness. I can prove it to you. Take the most uncouth man, fill him with humility, with love, and with piety. What will you have? The most courteous man. Maybe not polished, but a joy to be around. And a promoter of brotherly love.
How do we mortify our rudeness?
Because no one's love is perfect, it follows everyone has some rudeness to be rid of. Some of us more than others; but all of us can grow in the grace of delicacy. How? Here are some ideas.
Remember that your rudeness to others is as ugly and hurtful as their rudeness to you. And no less displeasing to God. Self-examination is a good place to start. In the fear of God, ask yourself: "Have I been rude to [fill in the blank]? Be specific; don't leave anyone out. And don't justify yourself by saying, "Well, maybe, but he started it..." That won't do. Sinners started it with our Lord, but "When He was reviled, He did not revile..."
Remember to whom you're being rude. Discourtesy to anyone is bad, but how much worse is it to offend Christians? They are loved by God, redeemed by Christ, and indwelt by the Holy Spirit. When we sin against them, we sin against the Lord. It's hard to think about these things and remain rude.
Reflect much on the courtesy of our Savior. How often men imposed on Him, tried His patience, provoked Him, yet never is He cranky or cold. Think on Him and you'll have the "Love which is not rude". God give it to you and me both. For Christ's sake.
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